Doggerel

Doggerel

I’m A Wanderer

19th February 2010

I wandered lonely as a cloud
! Hang on !
Clouds they hunt in packs
Now come on Mr Wordsworth
Why don’t you check your facts

William Wordsworth – not to be confused with William Jobsworth the first leader of the Amalgamated Union Of Poets And Sheet Metal Workers.


Rest In Death

26th July 2010

There was an old man from Nantucket
Who to no one’s surprise kicked the bucket
They lowered him down, six feet in the ground
Though he had literally just kicked a bucket


Advisory Notice

25th October 2010

Give me the moonlight
Give me romance
But don’t in any circumstances
Expect me to dance


A Public Information Poem

19th April 2015

With lifted tail down twisted trail the lizard swiftly ran,
‘Til caught and trapped to slowly die in rusted metal can.


A Stones Throw From The Quarry

19th April 2015

This ole house is full of wood rot
Has asbestos in the roof
The pipes are leaking sewage
And is ideal for the first time buyer

After

THIS OLD HOUSE by STUART HAMBLEN


First In A Short Series

15th March 2016

A gold computer generated grand piano in a cloudy sky


A Gold Piano in the sky flew by
No one knew why that Piano flew by
But if it should land on top of your head
One thing’s for sure
You would be dead


Last In A Short Series

16th November 2016

A violin and bow with the a background of white cloulds in the sky


Violin

Sky

Why, Oh Why?


Midday Sun

19th June 2017

Noon

On such a hot day

Is the cue for me and mad dogs to be on our way


A Cautionary Tale

24th December 2014

There was a young man from Loch Lomond
Who went out to build a big snowman
But he was hit by a sledge
And soon pronounced dead
Which rather ruined Christmas for everyone involved


Taking Back Control

30th April 2018

Photo by Heidi Sandstrom from Unsplash.com of someone walking past the Palace Of Westminster on a wet grey day holding an umbrella printed in the style of a Pelican paperback with the title 'The Weather'
Photo By Heidi Sandstrom from unsplash.com


Proper British weather
Cold and wet and grey
Once we leave the EU
We can have it every day


Inspiration

A Calvin & Hobbes cartoon with the poem A Quandry, 'Mom once said she loved me Just the way I am, So I wonder what would happen If I became a clam If her son was gray and grimy Slippery and slimy An oversized hors d'oeuvre, Would mom still have the nerve?'.  After writing said Calvin exclaims, 'Good poetry gives me goosebumps'.

Originally Published 5th October 1992 By Bill Waterson