—-Original Message—–
From: PK Trelis [mailto:trellis@trellis.tv]
Sent: 12 February 2015 14:08
To: People, Parking
Subject: Compensation

Dear Sir or Madam

I am writing this to you from my hospital bed after an unfortunate occurrence for which I place the blame squarely at the feet of ‘Orsham District Council.

Yesterday I was proceeding in a northerly direction towards the station when on passing Piries Place car park I attempted to observe the multitude of pedestrian Look Left & Look Right markings daubed onto the road surface. This rapid rotation from side to side resulted in a sickening ‘cracking’ sound after which I found myself unable to move my head from an extreme port facing attitude.

Walking in a sinistral crab like manner I was able to reach the bus stop and from there my general practitioner who diagnosed me as having flummoxed left mumblebal and recommended immediate hospitalisation.

I therefore wish to inform you that I had instructed my Solicitors, Messrs Freeman, Hardy & Willis, to take action against your employer to regain £7.57 in bus fares and £6,000,000 in punitive damages.

Yours Sincerely

Lieutenant-Colonel PK Trellis RSPB Retd.